The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The man replied "I work for the IRS."
"IRS! How can we help you?"
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they' re useless.
So for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never
pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer
organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
WANTED: ONE ARMED ECONOMIST
"Give me a one-armed economist!" demanded President Harry S. Truman.
President Truman was the first president to appoint a council of economic advisers. Unlike some later presidents, he actually liked to listen to his policy advisers. However, he preferred a clear recommendation, not a long discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of a particular course of action.
He quickly grew tired of economist who gave a good recommendation, and then began, "On the other hand. . ."
MOST IMPORTANT PROFESSION
Someone told me recently about an architect, a surgeon, and economist. The surgeon said, 'Look, we're the most important. God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.' The architect said, 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.' The economist smiled, 'And who made the chaos?'
Watch Yer Language
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing IRS audit. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "IRS agents are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
I had gotten lost in cryptic and ambiguous regulations, and in total desperation called the Internal Revenue service for some explanations.
I got hold of someone thoroughly familiar with the subject of my questions. He gave me complete and helpful answers.
I like to give positive reinforcement when I run across people like that, so I made it a point to say, "Thank you! You've been really informative and helpful." To which the IRS agent said,
William M West Certified Public Accountant
1905 Park Avenue, Suite 100
San Jose, CA 95126
Last Updated 1-19-01